“I’m not going to tackle you, you’re a girl”

Abbey Farmer: HS Rugby, Age 17

Crouch. Bind. Set. These three short words are responsible for sparking my passion into a sport I never knew I could love so much--rugby. Before every scrum in rugby, the referee says these three words signaling for the players to get ready.

My father, who played rugby in college, was the coach of a middle school team. My older brother, who was in high school at the time, also played. I would always get brought along to their practices after school, where I would spectate from the sidelines. As I watched, I noticed that the game was intense, sportsmanlike, and incomplete. There were so many things I saw on the field that felt like me, but none that looked like me. It then occurred to me that I had never seen a girl play rugby before.

This thought is one that grew in my mind with each practice I attended. I continued to stare at the field, struggling to find a place for myself. Finally, I decided to tell my father that I did not want to be a spectator anymore, I wanted to play. At first, my parents were not on board with this idea and worried about me getting hurt. Rugby is a contact sport and at the time, I was quite literally a little girl. For a while, this reason proved valid enough to prevent me from playing. That was until, one day, my dad was short a player for his match and needed someone to fill in.

That Sunday morning, only 10 years old, I played my first game of rugby. I laced up my muddy soccer cleats, hiked up my brother’s beat up pair of hand-me-down shorts, and prepared for the moment I had long been waiting for. Butterflies in my stomach, I walked onto the field full of boys. I felt the eyes of the crowd watching me. Yet, I was ready...Crouch. Bind. Set.

My rugby profile was no longer incomplete--I became the girl I had always longed to see play on the field. Since that day, I have vowed to be a female voice in the sport.

Although I found my passion in playing rugby, misogyny remains prominent within the sport. Throughout middle school, I had people tell me, “I’m not going to tackle you, you’re a girl,” “I’ll take it easy on you because you’re a girl,” and “You shouldn’t be playing with the boys, ​you’re a girl.”​ I was constantly defined by my gender, not my abilities.

That was until I joined my first all female rugby team freshman year of high school.

I found this place--a sanctuary--with people who were just like me. People who were driven, passionate, and committed to rugby despite gender norms. On this team, there was an overflowing sense of sportsmanship, friendship, and feminism. Three values I had not had the opportunity to explore before joining an all-female team, but that I now continue to apply in my everyday life.

Rugby has given me an outlet to be who I truly am, both on and off the field. From it, I have gained the strength, empowerment, and confidence that has shaped me into the woman I am today and the woman that I am becoming.

Thank you for inspiring me!